Dear one -

Some initiations happen in a moment. There’s a distinct before and after.

Other initiations happen when we say ‘yes’ to a soul nudging - one that prompts us onto a new path than the one we were on. Those can take years to unfold.

And usually, because our lives are cyclical, not linear, we encounter a combination of both.

In 2016, I found out I’m a symptomatic carrier of the same rare genetic degenerative eye disease my father has and is blind because of, retinitis pigmentosa. The disease affects everyone differently so there are no answers to how or when I might need to institute lifestyle changes; but the diagnosis, the reevaluation of priorities, the grief, fear and uncertainty in the face of life continuing on in ways which feel normal; changed me in ways I’m still stumbling across.

In October of 2017, I went to India and reconnected with the me who lives in flow - less planning, less controlling, more adventure and presence. I like that me. It’s impossible to separate the soul’s truth of that from a part of me running scared from the diagnosis and overwhelmed by trying to make finances meet when I couldn’t imagine ways to make more money and could only try to come up with ways to live on less. I began dreaming of a nomadic life - for both the right and wrong reasons.

In December of 2017, I felt the soul nudge that it was time to spread my wings and leave Winchester, VA, where I had lived, grown, and been held through so many initiations by deep and beautiful community since late 2013/ early 2014. I began looking for an RV to set off on this grand nomadic adventure to see the world, a self-sufficient pioneer and traveling healer. So many right and wrong reasons. So many right and wrong ways. Impossible to untangle right from wrong because at the time, they were the best I knew to do.

What followed was 2 years of messy limbo and prolonged leaving, of being supported by community but still being drained, financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically; and now 3.5 years of pandemic, of letting myself come completely undone, of being patient with the question: who am I now on the other side of all of this? There’s been shame, freeze, grief. There are new and old dreams; new and old relationships; deeper, truer layers of myself (not some idea of who I think I am or would like to be) to uncover.

Nature reminds us at sites of wildfires, of landslides, of earthquakes: slowly, repair happens.

When a few friends reached out and asked me to come back and offer a retreat in Winchester, I realized it was time.

This week, I’m back housesitting in the Shenandoah Valley and have popped into yoga to practice a few times and it’s been time. It’s not a coincidence it's likely I finally have a buyer for the RV and that my next extended international trip is on the horizon.

Slowly, in right times and right ways, repair happens and initiations loop back for more closure and integration before the next one begins.

To live devoted to soulful, meaningful-feeling life and Divine Love doesn’t mean life is easy. It doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges, heartbreak, mistakes, and ruptures. There is a cost to each moment of our growth. We don’t get to give only the things we don’t care about, the things that mean nothing to us, in exchange for greater value. That wouldn’t be fair. To receive treasure, we have to be willing to part with what we hold dear now.

What are initiations after all, but being pared down to the essential and given opportunities to double down on our values and devotions?

As June 4th (the day of the Divine Love retreat at Shine Yoga in Winchester, VA) fast approaches there’s a little voice in my head doing its “who are you to offer this?” dance.

When I look back over the initiation of the last 7ish years; at all the moments I tearfully, angrily, despairingly, compassionately, and yes, blindly, threw up my hands, surrendered to not-knowing, and prayed for Love to be what was left; I know: who am I not to?

This is a day about Divine Love, yes, but really it’s a day about initiations and how we come together as community, and in ceremony, to embody the frequency which brings us through our individual and collective wildernesses and unbecomings, and into the truth, heart, and essential wholeness of who we are.

Early bird pricing ends soon - May 31. We’ve got a few spots left and an amazing group gathering. You in?

Register here by navigating through the class schedule to June 4th.

(And if you’re recognizing yourself and your own initiation in this story and feeling called to some support but can’t join us for the retreat, I have some 1:1 slots available. No one can walk our initiations for us, but it doesn’t mean we have to go them totally alone.)

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With much love,

Kate

2923 Pine Spring Rd, Falls Church, VA 22042
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